Handling Conflicts in a Long Distance Relationship

Someone has asserted that all healthy couples fight, and although this assertion is subject to some argument (it not being something everyone would agree with), there is no doubt that conflicts are bound to rear up in most human relationships. Indeed, there is a school of thought among relationship experts which holds that what matters is not whether or not you have conflicts as a couple – but rather how well you handle those conflicts.
Now when a couple has been in a long distance love relationship for a considerable period of time (to an extend where they are used to running their relationship on a long distance basis) conflicts on various facets of the relationship can arise from time to time – just like in any other love relationship. If the sentiment of the school of thought of relationship experts that argues that what matters is not whether you have conflicts in your relationship (you are bound to have them sometimes anyway) but how you handle the conflicts is true, then we should shift our focus to conflict resolution in long distance relationships.
Now the separation aspect in a long distance relationship adds another layer of complexity in conflict resolution. As it were, successful conflict resolution- in any relationship rests on effective communication- and in a long distance relationship, one important element of effective communication called body language is removed. Of course you might consider making up for it with technology –webcams, video conferencing and that sort of thing – but they never quite replace the body language you could express in person.
But in spite of being stripped of the body language component, proper communication still remains the key to effective conflict resolution, though you do need to work even harder at it (at ensuring that you are communicating properly) to amicably resolve the conflicts that arise in long distance relationships.

Intimacy in a Long Distance Relationship

Let’s face it – the need for intimacy (and we mean physical intimacy) is one of the leading reasons behind many people’s entry into love relationships. Many of us consider physical intimacy a basic need – and there are stories, real stories, of people who actually experience physical pain in various parts of the body when they are unable to get opportunity for physical intimacy. Of course this is an extreme case – but generally, it is an undeniable fact that physical intimacy is one of the reasons people get into relationships, and even going back to the basic sciences and religion, it would seem that that is indeed the way nature intended it to be.
Unfortunately, the need for physical intimacy is one of the first and biggest casualties of a long distance relationship. The need for physical intimacy – unlike the need for emotional intimacy for instance, is one that cannot be adequately fulfilled over the phone or email or whichever channel a couple in a long distance relationship uses to keep their fire of their love burning.
And although many people hide behind various smokescreens, the truth of the matter is that the real reason behind the failure of many long distance relationships rotates around unfulfilled needs for physical intimacy.
The key to successfully tackling the issue of intimacy in a long distance relationship lies in a change in the partner’s perception – where partners are advised to give up the perverted view that sex is the most important and most basic need in the world. The truth of the matter is that while we are all sexual beings, and while sex remains an important need for everyone with hot hormones, it is definitely not always the most important need, and neither is it always the most enjoyable thing – as there are other better ways to enjoy life even as one awaits for an opportunity to get physically reunited with their loved one. Once one gets past the idea that they must have sex in order to remain alive,  coping with the physical aspect of a long distance love relationship becomes surprisingly easy.

Communication in a Long Distance Relationship

Stories abound of love relationships that were going on well till the partners had to be separated by distance – either for career, education, health or other valid ‘reasons’, after which the relationships are said to have started cooling off before gradually grinding to a break-up.
In almost all the stories of long distance relationships that didn’t work, it turns out that there was a communication problem between the partners which is what (in essence) brought about the death of the relationship. Faced with this kind of stories, many people who find themselves having to go on a long distance love relationship wonder how to handle the communication factor – lest their long distance relationship go the same way as others before it.
The key to successful communication in a long distance relationship, as many relationship experts aver, lies in the optimization of the available communication channels (and time) to an extent that the partners are able to communicate to the same extend that they would have been communicating if they were together (or to as much a degree of that as possible). This is not as hard an ideal as it first sounds. As it turns out, talking doesn’t always amount to communicating – especially in a love relationship setting. In any given day, the portion of speech between an average couple that can be counted as real communication geared towards enriching their relationship is a very small percentage of the total words spoken. Now it is this (real) communication geared towards the success of a relationship that a couple should work real hard to keep at the same level as they would have kept it if they were close together. For many couples, one good intimate e-mail combined with a quarter an hour of really friendly chat over the phone should do the trick – because luckily, this kind of communication tends to be focused towards building the relationship – unlike face to face communication which tends to be filled with lots of 'other issues' that add no real value to the relationship – with only a few elements that add real value to the relationships (things like affirmations of love) only occurring a few times in the conversation.

When to Go on a Long Distance Relationship

Relationship experts advise us that going on a long distance relationship is a step that should only be taken as a final resort – when there is absolutely no way the partners can stay close together.
It is not hard to agree with this sentiment, when you take into consideration factors like the increased temptation to stray that comes with a long distance love relationship as well as the communication difficulties that long distance relationships force upon those who embark on them.
As it were, after staying together for a considerable period of time, the temptation to stray always starts to show up in almost every relationship – and in many people’s estimation, making partners who were already considering ‘sampling the market’ to go on a long distance relationship could be the very last straw that breaks the camel’s back in this case. After all, couples in love were meant to stay close together – and relationships are for, among other things, the sheer animal warmth of bodies close together – or aren’t they?
Then again there is the fact that many couple – even when staying close together – already have their communication problems (normally with the woman claiming that the man does not listen, and the man claiming that the woman is nagging (or whatever politer name he might find for it)). Partners who were already experiencing this wonder what the chances of success in a long distance relationship for them are.
In the face of these factors then – the assertion that people should only go for long distance relationships when they really must (as a very last resort) is a sentiment that one would have to agree with.
Therefore unless a couple has to go on a long distance relationship for what would be considered ‘valid’ reasons – such as pursuit of education, far-off job posting without the opportunity for a compromise or medical reasons, a couple should try to be as close together as circumstances can allow.

Prognosis for a Long Distance Relationship

Most people’s first impulse on learning that they will have to be separated from the significant others is one of wondering whether their long distance relationship will survive. After all, arguments and small disagreements on small issues characterize almost every relationship – and if a couple had been experiencing some of those while they were close together, it would be expected of them to wonder whether they can survive in a long distance love relationship.
Going by previous experience however, one can quite confidently tell a couple in this kind of situation that there is indeed a chance of a long distance relationship working – but it depends on what the parties to the relationship are willing to put into it. The only long distance relationships that work are those between people who are truly committed to one another, and people who really care for each other from the heart. As it were, almost every couple that has been successfully married for a long time often tell of time when they had to live on a long distance relationship basis – meaning there is indeed a chance for a long distance relationship to survive as long as the partners are willing to put in the required effort.
Of course, the prognosis for such a long distance relationship – like any prognosis – depends on a number of factors. First is the level of commitment between the partners as mentioned. Another factor influencing the prognosis of a long distance relationship is the health of the relationship before the occurrence of whatever incident that makes it necessary for the partners to be separated by distance. In this regard, general opinion is that a relationship was in better health has a better chance of surviving as a long distance love relationship than one that was already faltering.